Updated: Jul 27
Having sorted out masculinity in my blog titled “Where are all the real men” and knowing full well that at least 30 million men throughout the world are now ready to return to the quest for true love as real men; I now propose to advise on techniques for fulfilling this aspiration.
Dating takes courage. Dating means putting yourself out there and rejection hurts. When I was thinking about this blog it suddenly occurred to me that the entire dating paradigm has been fundamentally changed in this modern era of internet dating and dating APPs. The advance of cyber dating through the internet has grown each year exponentially since its introduction around a decade ago. Once considered the refuge of the desperate and dateless, it soon transformed itself into the mandatory method of love procurement.
The brands multiplied, the APPs exploded. Markets broke into sub markets. There are now dating APPs for hetrosexuals, golden oldies, sugar daddies, swingers, transexuals, homosexuals (LGBTQ) and dating sites which attempt to qualify the member by age, religion, race, colour, sexual preferences, sexual practices, random hook-ups and creed etc etc etc. It would not even surprise me today if transexual pygmies have their own dating APP in Africa catering to their specific requirements and why not?
The common theme that drives the business model of ALL of these sites is the imperative to keep the membership current and constantly enticed with the prospect of meeting their perfect love match. This is achieved by creating the illusion that their is always a better prospect just around the corner, with more contestants backed up and ready to rumble than a covid-19 drive thru testing station.
Yes THIS is the toxic element to internet dating. I confess that I succumbed to its attraction and every friend of mine who also joined sites also felt the overwhelming allure of multiple matches occurring simultaneously and knowing full well, that if the flavour of the night turned sour or lost interest (unusual attention span 7.5 minutes) then there were 23 more matches in the queue waiting for air traffic control to give them landing rights. Speaking from experience, whilst initially titillating, this practice soon becomes exhausting. Gentlemen please remember that women are smarter than us and can sense within milliseconds that you have 5 others on the go at once, especially when you fuck up their names.
THIS IS MADNESS.
Lady friends of mine have also confessed that they are now simultaneously members of 8 or 9 dating sites. There is now a professional class of profile writers for those that feel that the dating resume should mirror, in professionalism, the work resume.
Why has the single world descended into this tacky technology? In my opinion it all comes back to one factor. This generation is gutless when it comes to love. And this is consistent with my observations that the art of direct oral communication is reaching a point of no return among young people. How many times have you been to a bar or club and seen women sitting in a defensive formation, not one of them talking, each of them burrowed in their iphone or smart phone oblivious to the world. Literally within metres, a group of “man boys” sit puffing out their chests also engaged in the mindless tapping on their devices. Both communities are dressed to impress, but sadly that evening, (from my personal observation) it was only when excessive amounts of alcohol had been consumed that there was a mild attempt to engage with the enemy.
It seems to me that the singular advantage of dating technology is the “guarantee” that members are single or at least available. Regrettably many men and women use these sites when already in committed relationships and the level of deception in both relationship status and pictorial accuracy is rampant. This form of cheating is now very common and is made so easy by these sites. Membership is tantamount to the surrender to this “guarantee”. In my day when I would meet a member of the opposite persuasion who caught my eye I would need to make an effort to establish direct contact . I would draw upon traditional old fashioned romantic gestures. My personality developed in the context of projecting myself to another human being in person. This takes guts. Texting is gutless. And with that endeavour came the reality of rejection. These simple factors, I believe have driven millions of people into the arms of the technology barrons who promote and prosper from these sites. Love, for them, is a very lucrative business because the model is designed to set you up for “serial dating”, and that of itself should be a good enough reason to dissuade anyone from joining. Similar to casinos, the house always wins.
One of my favourite rom-coms is the movie “HITCH”. A movie that is dedicated to the proposition that real love can be grounded upon real connection and that love requires effort, commitment and risk. Each of the mythical characters had ONE love target and was genuinely smitten by cupid’s arrow. These heroes or heroines started from the position that their love interest would not be at all interested in them because they felt inadequate as prospects. The genius of HITCH was to mentor each one and show each person how much they had to offer and their value which was not just skin deep. This should stand as a powerful moral lesson for today’s generation. In order to return to the magical yellow brick road to love, and to break the hold that dating APPs have over us, we need to establish a new universal code, a new catch cry for those who are single and available. Let this catch cry ring out amongst the nations of the lonely.
I propose a new coded question that will identify you as single, interested and available. Let it stand as the new masonic handshake for lonely people.
Let the words ring out across bars, cafe’s, parks, and anywhere where a lonely heart beats.. “Have you seen a unicorn today?” a simple yes or no could change the course of your life. Passwords have been around for millennia, let this be the new password for love.
Never give up on love.. JD
JD Watt, author of the book “BURNT”; the shocking true story of a woman’s deception and a man’s broken heart, is a divorced, devastatingly handsome, affluent single 51-year-old professional. He lives in the wealthy Eastern Suburbs of Sydney Australia. He is also a blogger giving his advice on love, relationships, sex and dating from the perspective of a middle-aged guy having learnt so much from his decade long search for “the one”.
Intelligent, established, sophisticated, cultured, honest, kind, loving, generous, tall and handsome, JD is every woman’s dream.
He offers advice on relationships and how to read the signs, so you never get “BURNT”. JD believes in love and so should you. BURNT by JD Watt is available on Amazon, Kindle and on online Booksellers globally. Download or buy your copy today.
JD Watt is not a psychologist or therapist; he bases his advice and opinions on his own life experience.