To my loyal readers, I offer a brief note. Firstly, thank you for following me in such extraordinary numbers that are frankly, humbling. When I first reviewed the goldfish named “Locky” (AKA Mr Potato Head) I truly didn't think I would be following trash TV with such interest. In saying this, I have to admit, that I feel proud to add my contribution to the great Australian comic tradition of “taking the piss”.
In this spirit, with my crash helmet on, chin strap in place and with a gin and tonic in hand (Bombay Sapphire) I can plug product too... I'm ready to follow the adventures of two country girls surrounded by 20 Groomsmen in this year's Bachelorette 2020.
Welcome to ....
Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away (regional Australia) in a street aptly named, there lived two sisters, Becky and Elly, who dreamed the dream, to be marooned in a mansion formally owned by Dr Doolittle, complete with alpacas and surrounded by 20 horny hunks, all bidding for their affections. With the prospect of two girls falling for the same guy the Mormon church, has moved to ‘Defcon 1’ again.
How convenient for Channel 10 to be able to re-cycle the very same Bunnings lanterns, fairy lights and candles still smouldering from the wreckage of the Bachelor 2020. Bunnings have celebrated record sales of cheap outdoor romance accessories (Aisle 31) and the sausage sizzle is back with 20 Groomsmen whose sausages are indeed sizzling in the eyes of the beautiful bogan Becky and her sister, and proving to the ever watchful eye of Gretta Thunburg that the Bachelorette is truly sustainable.
News has leaked that the producers have secured a group contract from Kelly Country (suits made simple) for dinner suits that don’t fit, evening suits that don’t fit and mix and match jackets that don’t fit to gift wrap this year's crop of buffed Australian manhood.
Enter the groomsmen and thank goodness my chin strap is in place.
The rock star, formally known as AB, complete with his own personal salute to Zoe Claire, the Ranga from the Bachelor 2020, had a strange ORANGE chemical dip on the top of his hair which was pantone matched to his Kelly Country jacket. I am not sure which universe this young man hailed from and astute viewers may have noticed the two "Men in Black" at the side of the screen watching him carefully, memory flash guns at the ready.
This may have accounted for his rather surprising quick exit.. stage left.
We then saw a procession of young groomsmen, a human dolphin, Fabio's love child and a tradie with an extraordinary tool, (that may have already done some work in Becky’s closet)
AND .....a cupid. What can we say about cupid? I’m thinking, definitely a Chippendale on the Victoria Secret runway.
The turtle neck did it for me and he was soooo happy to be amongst the boys..
Me thinks, that these two country lasses are a lot smarter than they sound flicking him with the view, we don’t need competition, don’t steal one of our groomsmen, good bye! At least with the rock star formally known as AB, in refusing the rose offered to him on the basis of perceived incompatibility, a new phenomenon emerged in reality TV…. honesty.
The double date with the Country Roses, were as lame as the alpacas’ felt when they saw another hoard of horny humans descend upon their home. Whip cracking, that looked more like self flagellation out of a Catholic porno and herding cows on foot? Come on... And no one trod in the bullshit? Followed up by the photo shoot which allowed a number of the boys to show that all those gym memberships weren't wasted at all. Slow talking, slow walking tradie Joe, when sitting on the couch with Becky couldn't control his basic physiology.
For those who missed it... press play... replay if you have erectile dysfunction..
But it was his jaw drop that literally knocked me off the sofa. What a jaw, what a chin, what a guy! He has been offered casual work at the Mildura fairground. Ping pong balls please.
On a serious note, I would be remiss not to comment on two aspects of this program and one that I am sure all of you noticed. Firstly, the lads bonded in a spirit of Australian mateship which was truly refreshing and was demonstrably in contrast to the toxic bitchiness that seemed to be evident at every gathering in the Bachelor 2020 series. This was palpably noticeable when the lads all joined in applause at several moments during the show as means of celebrating each other. There was also a refreshing absence of the potty mouth profanity laced interactions of the Bachelor . My damaged male heart soared with joy when I saw this. They were genuinely happy for one another. Whether this remains consistent throughout the series remains to be seen.
Secondly without any doubt the gentlemen were able to handle their alcohol unlike the bruised brat-etts of the Bachelor. I have to admit that for the first time in any series (with the exception of a handful of genuine contestants) I actually liked some of the characters in this show. But in the same breath I stand by everything that I have written in a blog I would ask you all to re-read when I was motivated earlier this year to ponder masculinity in these troubled times. It’s titled, “Where have all the real men gone.”
Never give up on love - JD
JD Watt, author of the book “BURNT”; the shocking true story of a woman’s deception and a man’s broken heart, is a divorced, devastatingly handsome, affluent single 51-year-old professional. He lives in the wealthy Eastern Suburbs of Sydney Australia. He is also a blogger giving his advice on love, relationships, sex and dating from the perspective of a middle-aged guy having learnt so much from his decade long search for “the one”. Intelligent, established, sophisticated, cultured, honest, kind, loving, generous, tall and handsome, JD is every woman’s dream.
He offers advice on relationships and how to read the signs, so you never get “BURNT”. JD believes in love and so should you. BURNT by JD Watt is available on Amazon, Kindle and on online Booksellers globally. Download or buy your copy today.
JD Watt is not a psychologist or therapist; he bases his advice and opinions on his own life experience.