The simplest lesson in love often takes a lifetime to learn..
Having written a romance novel and having spent a lifetime engaged in mortal combat with the opposite sex, I speak with considerable authority on the topic of love, labor and losing one’s mind, all in the pursuit of romantic enlightenment. I have watched as an entire industry has emerged giving rise to motivational and self help books and media, seeking to unravel the gordian knot, that is love. Thousands of self-anointed love guru’s chatter with endless enthusiasm on the topic of romance and love. They create a dense fog of complexity around all matters of love often contradictory and leading to total paralysis by analysis. We now have “wellness and life coaches” who can (for a modest fee) assist with all of the accoutrements of love and every aspect of our introspective obsessions. One can hire stylists, “life coaches”, matchmakers, relationship psychologists, physics and listen to endless podcasts all endeavouring to analyse our particular “problems”. It is that one question that seems to have baffled all men (and women) down through the ages… why doesn’t she/he like me?
At the risk of causing a recession within this new industry and inflicting injury to the countless dilettantes who labor daily providing treacle advice to the masses, I will answer the question posed with brutal simplicity. Before doing so however I would like to acknowledge that my inspiration for this answer lies within another publication, “He’s just not that into you” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. Most would remember its film adaptation in 2009 starring Scarlett Johannsson, Jennifer Anniston and Bradley Cooper amongst others.
The simple message that falls from its pages and which is applicable universally is, that if someone is interested in you romantically, they will let you know.
Of course, there are two sides to the romance dynamic and if the other party is not interested then that is usually the end of the matter. Unrequited love can be frustrating and painful but importantly it must be emphasised that it is self-inflicted. If the other side is not interested don’t inflict further pain upon yourself. Withdraw with dignity and move on. Understand and believe that the universe has someone better in store for you. There are however exceptions to all rules, and as I have often said “the only rule in love, is that there are no rules”.
My most recent experience bears this out. I had been dating a number of girls and had also met a professional colleague who impressed me with her wit and intelligence. I could sense that she clearly liked me, and we would often share drinks and or dinner together after meetings and which proved surprisingly enjoyable. I was oblivious to the fact that she had fallen profoundly in love with me and I continued with my dating, meeting women who true to form, provided great initial promise and attraction but ultimately failed to hold my interest. Always quick with a text or an invitation, my colleague would be available for a dinner or a catch up. I had become great friends with her. We were not dating but such was my closeness to her that I felt strangely guilty when I was with someone else. I suddenly realised that I had feelings for her. I had built a foundation of friendship and I realised that I wanted to be with her. My heart opened to her. She never gave up on love.
So, it’s really so simple, but it can take a lifetime to understand. The rules of engagement for love are in my opinion straightforward. Follow them for a happy life and save the money that you would otherwise spend on team neurotic.
If you are interested in someone let them know. Part of the magic of life and love are the many and various opportunities available to express this. If they don’t reciprocate, move on.
Be honest and always forthright. The modern phenomenon of “ghosting” is the act of a coward. If you don’t like someone have the guts to tell them. Do it with compassion and care, consider someone’s interest in you as a compliment not a threat.
Always be honest in love and act with integrity.
Acknowledge 1, 2 and 3 but ultimately follow your heart; because the only rule is, there are no rules.
Believe in yourself, listen to the signs, follow your heart and you will save a lifetime of angst and neurotic introspection.
JD Watt, author of the book “BURNT”; the shocking true story of a woman’s deception and a man’s broken heart, is a divorced, devastatingly handsome, affluent single 51-year-old professional. He lives in the wealthy Eastern Suburbs of Sydney Australia. He is also a blogger giving his advice on love, relationships, sex and dating from the perspective of a middle-aged guy having learnt so much from his decade long search for “the one”.
Intelligent, established, sophisticated, cultured, honest, kind, loving, generous, tall and handsome, JD is every woman’s dream.
He offers advice on relationships and how to read the signs, so you never get “BURNT”. JD believes in love and so should you. BURNT by JD Watt is available on Amazon, Kindle and on online Booksellers globally. Download or buy your copy today.
JD Watt is not a psychologist or therapist; he bases his advice and opinions on his own life experience.